The Deadly Sins of Dating
I rant, I rave, I loose my mind… and yet there doesn’t seem to be a good enough rule code for people and dating – So, I’m pleading with God… can we please “update” our list of deadly sins to have a category that might include: The Dating Sins of the 21st Century – especially those sins of dating “Post 25”. Having dated more than my fair share, and having friends who’ve also added to the book of stories – we seriously need to discuss the “Sins of Dating”. As such, I present my case for “The Rules and Regulations of Dating, and the Sins Committed Hence Forth”. ( started off with about 50 in the draft … but with this being the “Seven Deadly Sins” … I decided to try and limit the list…. these are the ones that were kept after training camp):
1- Dishonety: You can be wonderful, but you need to be honest. No matter how wonderful you make yourself out to be when dating, you end up unhappy if faking it over time.
2- NO “I love you” on the FIRST DATE. Let me explain something really important here: You CAN NOT be in love after a week. You can not be in love after two weeks. Hell, even in the first month, it CAN’T be love. It’s lust; Get over it. You can absolutely love what you know so far about the person. You can love every aspect of that. You can love the way you feel when you’re with that person. You can even be in love with that person’s body, and how that body makes you feel. That, is cool. However, you cannot be “in love” with that person. You don’t know them. You have no idea how bad their feet smell after a week in the same room with you. You don’t know how often they don’t remember to flush. You don’t know if they pick their nose when you’re not around. It’s love when you know the dumb stuff, and still want the person to be 100% part of your life. So, if you get dumped in the first two months, you don’t get to whine about it for the next year. You didn’t love him/her – you built up a fantasy in your mind about what was going on, and you fell for your own fantasy. Chances are – that person didn’t even exist.
3- No Marriage Proposals in the First Month: Girls, if you meet a guy, and decide in the first month that you are going to marry him, and bear his children, please find the first door and simply attempt to jar your brain back into its original position. Chances are you fit into the demographic for the rule above, and have not yet realized you know nothing about what really happened with the original hook up, and that you may have been second choice after you best friend crawled out of bed and turned the guy down. Besides, what do you honestly know about someone after a month? NOTHING.
4- The Sin of Re-Runs: For some reason, the human mind forces the thought that there could be a possibility to go back and re-write history. Even though we could not make a relationship work the first time, we will somehow magically make it work the second time around? I am here to confirm for you something that everyone reading this already knows. Re-runs do not work. I don’t care how often you attempt to make a relationship work, if it didn’t work the first time around, it won’t work any other time.
5- The Sleep Over – and the Expectations: If someone chooses to stay the night, please understand that when they say, “your bed’s comfy,” it simply means that they think your bed is comfy. Perhaps they really are just looking for a comfortable night’s sleep. And they could TOTALLY be out of there before you wake up. Sometimes you may have exhausted them, and they simply needed a power nap. Someone liking your bed is in NO WAY a reflection that they are looking for a long term commitment. Sleep. It’s important.
6- Moving from “The one-night-stand” to “Relationship”: One night stands do exist; they’ve happened to all of us. However, when people attempt to make a relationship out of something that began as a one night stand, they’re chasing something implausible. There is a thought that great chemistry allows you to believe that there is a connection – however, how do you ever make the mental connections that makes a real relationship work, when you spend the first 3 months of the relationship in bed? No build up. No sustenance.
7- Sex in Friendship: Sex is sex. Yes, it’s true. However, it has been greatly debated amongst the women, and we have come to a certain kind of explanation. You can have a one night stand, and walk away. You can have sex – with a friend, after a few drinks – and still keep the friendship. However, you add sex to a friendship, and have that sex happen on a regular basis, and you will have one person get their heart more involved than the other. This being the case, the friendship is somehow changed, and will never quite be the same. Knowing this before entering into this type of relationship could be both good and bad. There is always the possibility that the friendship could grow into something more then what it was – and there is the possibility that the entire friendship will fall apart. There is no way of knowing. The only knowledge is that at some point a choice will have to be made. Either you go forward, or you move on. That’s it. A choice… just like everything else in life.