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Sin? Against Who?

My copy of the New Oxford American Dictionary gives me the definition of SIN as “an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law.”

The last time I checked, I could give a fuck about divine law. Were I to suddenly come down with some religious infection, please enjoy a list of my top sins.

Before I give you my sins, we should run down the list, to refresh our memory (you wait here, I’m going to get that shit off of wikipedia…). Okay, here they are:
1. luxuria (extravagance)
2. gula (gluttony)
3. avaritia (avarice/greed)
4. acedia (acedia/discouragement)
5. ira (wrath)
6. invidia (envy)
7. superbia (pride)

1. I stole some tootsie rolls from the corner store when I was a kid. It was exciting.
2. I stole an atlas from the sale stand outside a national chain bookstore. It was exciting.
3. I have drank to excess many times. Oh, wait, I mean EVERY time.
4. I have taken every illicit drug I am aware of, except X (lovey dovey bullshit that is). Oh, and I always took too much till it was gone or I ran out of money. Then I go steal tootsie rolls and atlases to support my new habit. This behavior can really go either way, very exciting or exhausting, or both.
5. I fucked someone’s wife. I think that might be wrong somehow. Never mind, I just remembered, it was my wife. Whew, scratch that one.
6. I have definitely broken some “hearts” (I was originally going to say hymens, but you can see that would be tasteless), not sure where that fits in, but I feel like the churchy types wouldn’t approve. This proved exciting, if not a lot of work.
7. I beat the hell out of some dude for shits and giggles. Pretty sure that was some sort of wrath.
8. Does masturbation count?
9. I constantly try to keep my family from enjoying the finer things, that shit is expensive!
10. I suspect every single man who talks to my wife of wanting to fuck her. She has 200 fucking Facebook friends, and 150 are men. I keep busy with that.

Gotta go check which horny pricks are commenting on her FB page so I can plot their destruction. Peace.

3 responses to “Sin? Against Who?”

  1. Avatar tee says:

    I constantly try to keep my family from enjoying the finer things, that shit is expensive! —
    Um… you’re actually NOT breaking one of them here – I’m impressed!! Keepin’ yourself humble I see!

  2. emmy em emmy em says:

    8. Does masturbation count?
    Yes, in almost every one of the sins, actually.

  3. I just checked again and you still could give a fuck about divine law. Good man. Now I’ve gotta get on FB and de-friend your wife. Sorry about that.

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Chris About Chris

*Chris Severance makes his living selling inherited assets. He fits a classic ADHD, INTP, dually diagnosed, narcissist profile. His wife and two children will be fortunate to escape unscathed. He has dabbled in and seriously considered the following for vocation, avocation, obsession or hobby: landscaping, herb farming, filmmaking, fishing, inventing, drinking, growing dope, private investigation, philosophy, teaching, day trading, forex trading, skiing, snowboarding, rabbit farming, earthworm farming, dirt farming, commercial composting, ocean kayaking, surfing, computer technician, geocaching, fitness training, marathons, general crime, triathlons, novel writing, screenwriting, home improvement, mechanical arts, welding, modeling, garbology, sailing, windsurfing, acting, being a kept man, scuba diving, vegetable gardening, craft services, catering, Tibetan Buddhism, meth, motivational speaking (picture Matt Foley living in a van down by the river), winning Powerball, recovery, blogging, research, law school, yoga, pilates and running for office. He retired from growing cranberries at age 32 when he was passed over for the big promotion for lack of a college degree. Chris now attends university full time and appreciates the character building associated with jail cell confinement. He can look the part but acting is out. No feelings were harmed in the making of this bio.

Read more by this author on 30POV .


December 2009
Season Finale
November 2009
{Seven Deadly} Sins
October 2009
Mischief Making
September 2009
Green Ethics
August 2009