Sin? Against Who?
My copy of the New Oxford American Dictionary gives me the definition of SIN as “an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law.”
The last time I checked, I could give a fuck about divine law. Were I to suddenly come down with some religious infection, please enjoy a list of my top sins.
Before I give you my sins, we should run down the list, to refresh our memory (you wait here, I’m going to get that shit off of wikipedia…). Okay, here they are:
1. luxuria (extravagance)
2. gula (gluttony)
3. avaritia (avarice/greed)
4. acedia (acedia/discouragement)
5. ira (wrath)
6. invidia (envy)
7. superbia (pride)
1. I stole some tootsie rolls from the corner store when I was a kid. It was exciting.
2. I stole an atlas from the sale stand outside a national chain bookstore. It was exciting.
3. I have drank to excess many times. Oh, wait, I mean EVERY time.
4. I have taken every illicit drug I am aware of, except X (lovey dovey bullshit that is). Oh, and I always took too much till it was gone or I ran out of money. Then I go steal tootsie rolls and atlases to support my new habit. This behavior can really go either way, very exciting or exhausting, or both.
5. I fucked someone’s wife. I think that might be wrong somehow. Never mind, I just remembered, it was my wife. Whew, scratch that one.
6. I have definitely broken some “hearts” (I was originally going to say hymens, but you can see that would be tasteless), not sure where that fits in, but I feel like the churchy types wouldn’t approve. This proved exciting, if not a lot of work.
7. I beat the hell out of some dude for shits and giggles. Pretty sure that was some sort of wrath.
8. Does masturbation count?
9. I constantly try to keep my family from enjoying the finer things, that shit is expensive!
10. I suspect every single man who talks to my wife of wanting to fuck her. She has 200 fucking Facebook friends, and 150 are men. I keep busy with that.
Gotta go check which horny pricks are commenting on her FB page so I can plot their destruction. Peace.
About Chris
I constantly try to keep my family from enjoying the finer things, that shit is expensive! —
Um… you’re actually NOT breaking one of them here – I’m impressed!! Keepin’ yourself humble I see!
8. Does masturbation count?
Yes, in almost every one of the sins, actually.
I just checked again and you still could give a fuck about divine law. Good man. Now I’ve gotta get on FB and de-friend your wife. Sorry about that.