If I decide to ignore it, then will it go away? Not likely
I’m the sort of person that confronts their fears head on.
Now, I’m not going to recommend that everyone do things this way, but I’ve found that this is what works for me.
It has, however, lead me into a bit of an impasse, as far as driving lessons go.
I’ve taken the practical, in class portion. Fine. Still need to hand in homework, and do..um..my..essay.
Yes. I’ll get to it. It’s tedium, rather then terror that’s keeping me from that part of things.
How many times do I have to call to book my practical, in car portion?
I wait a couple of days.
They don’t call.
My mouth dries, as I realize that yep. I’m going to have to call them. Again.
A bored voice answers.
Do they not realize how the temperature where I’m sitting has suddenly jumped 20 degrees? I mean, sure, I’m sitting here in a puddle of cold sweat, but hey…
“Yes, this is Jesse.” pause
“I need to book my in ca..”
“Someone will call you back.”
I leave it at that.
I’ve done my part. Right?
See, that nasty little prodding part of me is waking up. Can’t have that.
I’m already slightly queasy thinking about it.
Because I’m going to have to be forceful about what I want. Except, I’d much rather do something else. Like sit through another kindergarten recital.
So I sit here, somewhat conflicted, but I know that nasty little poking part of myself is going to get louder, and more insistent.
“Why haven’t you taken your driving lessons yet?”
“Well, they haven’t called me ba..”
“If they haven’t called you, why haven’t you called them?”
“But I have, and then they sai..”
“Fuck that. Get on the damned phone, and make it done”
“No buts. C’mon. Get ‘er done”
My internal conversations tend to be somewhat purposeful, apparently.