Awakenings, and the State of my Union

January 27, 2010

This month, I turned 36.  As is my custom on my birthday, I took some time before and after my “special day” to reflect upon my life, where I have been, how far I have come, that sort of thing.  I always think about different birthdays and how I celebrated at different times in my life.  I have to say, this one was one of the best.  Just some background information on me:  my husband and I have been married going on eleven years now.  We have spent that many of my birthdays together, and this one was definitely one of my favorites, and it was because of him.

First of all, he surprised the heck out of me by giving me a card, a super sweet, mushy one too!  Then he sent my six year old in with a box of chocolates and she told me “happy birthday!”  I was happy already.  I should mention, the chocolates were all dark, which is my favorite, and I am tickled he thought of that at the time.  I thought I was in heaven already, but no, my eight year old came in with a brand new coffee maker, and I was completely elated.   I have to say, there is a story behind the coffee maker.  A while ago, our coffee maker broke.  Just one morning, it stopped working, and I had to run to the corner store to get some coffee for us.  We bought a super cheap coffee maker as a replacement, and it was fine, but he knew I wasn’t too happy with it.  This was awesome.  My new coffee maker has lots of buttons and gadgets, and a timer, a warmer switch, etc, etc.  My birthday started off really wonderfully, but it wasn’t over yet.

That night, my mother came over to babysit the children, and my husband and I went out together, alone, with no children.  I don’t think we’ve done that since my youngest was born, four years ago.  Certainly not for as long as we were able to go out that night.  We went out to dinner, and we talked about going to a movie, but decided against it.  I just wanted to enjoy being around my husband.  We went to the bookstore, got some coffee, walked around, talked about our lives.  It was really the best birthday I can remember.  I told my husband, I am looking forward to the time when we are alone again, the children have moved out.  I know we will get along at that time.

As I woke on the morning of my 36th birthday, I realized I was in a place in my life where I had never been before, and never even thought I would be, and I smiled.  I tend to be a cautious person when it comes to relationships.  I have been told I have “trust” issues, an d I guess that’s true, because it is only now, after nearly eleven years of marriage, that I allow myself to be happy with my husband.  I cannot remember a time in my life when I didn’t want children, but for the last four years, I have been happy without wanting another child.  I feel like, here I am, this is where I am supposed to be, and now I can start living my life.  Finally, after many years of complacency and stagnancy, I am ready for the next stage of my life, and I am excited about it!

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