Hope is the Thing with Feathers
I don’t have much use for New Year’s except that it serves as a marker, a way to pinpoint when certain events happened in my life. Several months after New Year’s 2002, I had a breakdown. As I mention here in more detail, it was more like a nervous breakdown coupled with clinical depression and, aside from my parents’ messy divorce, it was the darkest time in my life.
I slept a lot during that time. Fortunately for me, when I’m truly upset, I get the opposite of insomnia. Those days I often cried myself to sleep and would get out of bed only to shower and go to work. There were many times when I wished I wouldn’t wake up at all.
Obviously, those wishes never came true. Somewhere along the line I found hope again, cheesy and cliche though that may sound. It was a long, slow, arduous process riddled with visits to the shrink, but eventually I found people who dragged me out of my sad, pathetic existence and reminded me who I really was, who I really am — smart, funny, cute, strong and independent with really good hair. 😉
Nearly eight years later, hope still exists. Hope is the reason I wake up every day. Hope is the reason I want to wake up every day.
I hope that I’ll have more days of spooning with my husband, feeling his warm belly on my back and his hand wrapped around my forearm.
I hope that I’ll have more nights in a tent under a humid, starry sky with millions of insects screaming just for me.
I hope that I’ll see each and every one of my nieces and nephews — five of them all age 5 and under at the moment — grow up to find their own hope and happiness.
I hope that I’ll once again swim in a clear blue ocean and view the wide, wonderful world under the water.
I hope that I’ll get the opportunity to have cocktails and reminisce with my friends who live far away.
I hope that I’ll get the opportunity to make more new friends in the community in which I now reside.
I hope that I’ll be able to laugh until I cry at least once a week.
I hope that I’ll have plenty more date nights with my husband, devouring an extra spicy falafel sandwich or slurping a bowl of miso soup while he makes me giggle over corny jokes.
I hope that I’ll get the chance to see the final season of “Lost.”
I hope that I’ll be able to make it to Yellowstone, Glacier National Park and Carlsbad Caverns.
I hope that I’ll finally learn how to finely chop an onion without using any fancy doohickeys.
I hope that I’ll get to see my first opera at Teatro alla Scala.
I hope that my husband and I will buy used bicycles and a canoe by this summer so we can cruise the local trails and bodies of water.
I hope that I’ll have a chance to meet Dolly Parton.
I hope I’ll be able to overcome my fear of frying.
There’s a lot more hope where all that came from, more than enough reasons to keep waking up every day. I know the depression will sneak in again, but I also know it will sneak out — that’s just one of the many lessons hope has taught me.
[…] last thing — I am blogging over here today about hope and why I drag my butt out of bed every […]
Great post! Its good to be optimistic! Depression is a horrible illness, but with hope and positivity it can be conquered!
Hannah, you are so right! Thanks for dropping by! 🙂
I hope I overcome my fear of Dolly Parton.
But seriously, thanks for "I know the depression will sneak in again, but I also know it will sneak out".
That is a valuable lesson we all have to relearn from time to time.
Oma, you're afraid of Dolly Parton? Do tell! She gives me the warm and fuzzies, big time.
Why is it with all creativity comes depression? I honestly believe its because we have the ability to open the doors… but then fear what we find behind them…
and yes… great hair is a reason to get out of bed some days 😉 I'm with you on that one… lol
Here is to a year filled with hope, choices, and the ability to choose the happiness.
Thanks for the sentiments, tee! I wish you an amazing 2010 full of hope and free of sadness!
Happy New Year! Glacier is beautiful and one of my favorite places in the world- get a backcountry permit and really see the park. And go before the glaciers melt even more!
Also, my favorite Emily Dickinson poem. 😉
Ooh, good call on the backcountry permit! I think Brian and I would LOVE that!
Those are all great things to hope for. And I hope you get to realize every single one of them.