How to complicate and uncomplicate your silly life.
In the spirit of removing complication, this article will provide clear and simple ways for you to continue complicating your life……..::::::::::::::))))))) and perhaps a few hints to help you get out of those messes you created to complain about to all your complicated friends….
11 Ways to Complicate Your Life:
1. Let other people talk you into doing things you don’t want to do.
You know when you don’t want to do something. Whenever you feel like not doing something your friends want you to do, do it anyway, you will earn their friendship, and that’s far more important than living your own life.
2. Get into a pre-defined relationship, preferably monogamous.
This will help you to convince yourself that fucking only one person for the rest of your life is a good idea. The repression of your urge to have sex with almost everyone you see will provide endless complication for you to complain about later.
3. Go on fad diets.
That’s right, restrict yourself in some bizarre way to achieve a promised future goal.
4. Join a church or religious group and become a true believer in their doctrine.
Belief in other people’s answers to the great unanswered questions of life will help you to forget who and what you are. This will add all kinds of complication to your life in the form of cognitive dissonance. You will learn to twist your mind into all kinds of manipulations to accept the increasingly absurd doctrines you have adopted.
5. Engage in road rage every chance you get.
Complaining about the inevitable traffic situations you will find yourself in can add beautiful complications like gunshots, random fights on the highway, and….if you are lucky….a car accident. You didn’t want to get where you were going anyway, did you?
6. Get a “good” job.
This will add all kinds of complications. You will think you’re supposed to be happy with all that new money rolling in. Who needs entrepreneurialism anyway? Once you have spent enough years at a job you hate, your mind will be so dependent and complicated, you might never have to think of your olde worn-out dreams again.
7. Lie to everyone about everything.
This way, you can always wonder when someone will find you out…How deliciously complicated!
8. Believe in all the ideas you maintain about yourself.
This will establish a wonderful invisible prison you can live in for the rest of your life. You never have to ask yourself what you really want, because your idea of who you ARE will always dictate your actions….well, that is, the actions that aren’t already dictated to you by your biology and brain structure.
9. Continue to maintain friendships and relationships you can’t stand.
This is the basis for many family relationships. Continue to interact with the people you hate. This will give you endless fuel for all the complaining and complication you so desperately need to feel alive.
10. Spend all day on your computer.
11. Adopt an attitude of self-judgment and subsequent punishment all the time.
How to UN-Complicate your life:
1. Keep your mind where your body is….at all times.
It doesn’t matter if you think happy or sad thoughts, stop drifting off into fantasy land. Instead, enjoy the majestic beauty of life in a body. Keep your mind focused on what the body is doing at all times.
2. Keep your self-worth at 100% all the time, no matter what you find yourself doing.
Most people’s lives are dictated almost completely by their biology. Enjoy this fact instead of fearing it. You have gotten onto a very exciting roller coaster. If you’re lucky, you might sit back and enjoy the ride.
3. Eat whatever you want when you’re hungry.
This will really piss off your vegan friends. Just stop bullshitting yourself and eat the foods you love. This love for foods will guide you to a pleasant state of happiness. From that state, you might even decide you love your body enough to work out….doing workouts that you enjoy!
4. Sleep when you feel tired.
Simple, once you accomplish #5 below.
5. Quit your job right this very minute.
Stop letting other people and situations determine for you where to place your body and mind day in and day out. By quitting, you will create a vacuum. I know it will feel very scary, but not as scary as sitting on the edge of your deathbed realizing you wasted your precious life on a stupid fucking job. (Will any of you quit right now? I doubt it…..hahahahahahahahaha good luck.) Save your excuses for the people you normally complain to.
6. Dump or divorce your significant other RIGHT NOW!
If your supposed friend still loves you without the invisible and visible contracts, you have won a REAL FRIEND. (To give this some merit, I will tell you that the moment my ex-girlfriend started fucking other people, including one of my best friends, it led to the best times of my life. Her and I have a better friendship now than we have ever had while in prison with one another.) Don’t feed me a line of bullshit about how wonderful your relationship is. You can still enjoy time and sharing with the man or woman. Why have the agreements, the contracts?
7. Stop complaining and take responsibility for your life.
For one week, make note of how many conversations you observe and take part in that revolve around complaints. Next, stop engaging in them. When you notice yourself about to complain, SHUT UP! Next, take a moment to think about your motivation for complaining…do you want other people to feel pity for you? Because complaining makes you pitiful. DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE INSTEAD OF COMPLAIN!
8. This one comes from Cartman: “You gotta learn to chill. Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while – and do whatever you want all the time – you can miss it.”
This one can feel very scary for people….people who have fear of their own deepest desires. Assume that you yourself are Gawd at play in the universe….the universe of your own creation. Arrogant? Maybe. Well, you are gawd, after all…so you might as well start enjoying it…unless you don’t want to enjoy it.
9. Masturbate every time you feel compelled to do so.
If you have ANY qualms about this, laugh at yourself and masturbate anyway. Self pleasure is the point and purpose of your life, whether you agree or disagree. Take your mother’s hand away from yours and stroke yourself until you cum. Scream in ecstasy. Repeat. Sex is a temporary substitute for masturbation. If you don’t yet believe me, ask yourself why you almost constantly fantasize during sex. It is likely you came into this world as a result of your father masturbating into your mother. Did your parents practice tantric sex? I didn’t think so. PS: The fantasizing during sex will cease when you perform #10.
10. Fuck whomever you wish, whenever you wish, without fear of consequences.
Just try it. Seriously. Stop worrying so fucking much and enjoy your body in conjunction with other people’s bodies. (This one will do wonders for my popularity among the prudes… 🙂
Most of the consequences have been installed deliberately to keep society together. If there were no silly rules, most people would fuck each other all day long. Sounds like a shitty life, eh?
11. Enjoy absolutely everything.
This can be the toughest path to living your dreams that you will ever encounter. However, immense power and beauty await you around every corner. Make an effort to turn joy into an active–instead of a passive–experience. You will never be disappointed. In fact, you will fall so in love with life and with yourself that you really don’t have to do anything else on the list. Your own joy will guide you throughout the rest of your life. How wonderful is that?
Best wishes and good luck!
I love you all, (wanna have sex?)