« »

Rosie is in a relationship with Mr. Poopoopachu, and "It's Complicated"

Now that I have your attention, truth be told, I am in fact, NOT in a relationship with Mr Poopoopachu.  But it got you reading now didn’t it? Wow, you little voyeurs, you.

In no way is it a dynamic revelation that social networking has changed present day society as we know it. (Don’t believe me? Ask the IT department in your office…they’re watching you waste away your day fighting Mafia Wars and fucking around with your farm animals.) So regardless of whether you use your favorite social networking site to keep up with your friends and beloved relatives (you know like cousin Jill who you called a “drunkin whore” at Thanksgiving?), to post the pictures of all your drunken escapades, or to subject the world to a real time update of your child’s development (“Susie just pooed…AGAIN!”), you are all guilty.  So don’t bother posting a single comment to this post stating you hate online networking…you’re an addict like the rest of us.

No matter how much we love, or hate social networking, there is one aspect of social networking that simply must be addressed: “relationship status.”

On any given day your newsfeed may look something like this:

“Jessie is now listed as in a relationship”

“Steve is no longer listed as in a relationship”

“Sarah is now married to Stephanie”

“Cathy is now listed as single”

And the crème de le crème of relationship status updates:

Tiger is in a relationship, and it’s complicated”

(yeah, I went there).

Well here’s a “newsfeed” for you:  in your REAL non-social networking world, your relationship status is known. (You DID cash all the checks they wrote as “wedding gifts” didn’t you?)

The most important advice though:

If you are in a relationship that’s “complicated,” you may want to step back and analyze a few things about your life:

1) Who is this  self-loathing individual who you are with? (drinking and dialing TOO MUCH perhaps?)

2) Why do you think this is okay? (psychotherapy anyone?)

Most importantly:

3) How many people are making fun of you behind your back, since you made it public knowledge that “Big Love” was based off your life?

If  my wise words (a.k.a. bitching) do not convince you, may I suggest you do some research into the life of  Hayley Jones, the mother of four who was murdered after she changed her Facebook status from married to single.  (It doesn’t get more complicated than that!)

So, my loves, the next time you feel compelled to update your relationship status, resist and go play with your Farmville instead. Because, simply put, no one gives a damn about your relationship status!

8 responses to “Rosie is in a relationship with Mr. Poopoopachu, and "It's Complicated"”

  1. Truth be told, I clicked on the Tweet for this post so fast it probably wasn’t even fully loaded to the blog yet. Sad to see that I was used…but honored just the same.

  2. Avatar Rosie says:

    BWAHAHA…sucker…I mean thanks for the use of your body, err I mean name…

    • Being so self-important, I forgot drop the obligatory "Great piece!" comment. So there you have it.
      …I'm a dick, sorry. Seriously, Rosie, nice job. I actually have a friend – a close friend of 20+ years – who got engaged and didn't tell anyone. We found out a week after the fact on Facebook.

  3. Avatar llxt says:

    "rosie is in a new relationship"
    "mr. poopoopachu is in a new relationship"
    "rosie is engaged"
    "mr. poopoopachus's relationship status changed to It's Complicated"
    "rosie is single" (RIP mr. poopoopachu)

  4. Avatar escapeplans says:

    lol. lee lee, you're a riot…I watched my friends fight over their relationship status update. It was great when I changed mine to single lately. I wonder how many women were too shy to comment……

  5. Avatar llxt says:

    ok. along with not wanting to know when my "friends" are in complicated relationships, i also do NOT want to know when they're horny. i'll just assume you are. okay? you don't have to "become a Fan."

  6. Avatar llxt says:

    ok. along with not wanting to know when my "friends" are in complicated relationships, i also do NOT want to know when they're horny. i'll just assume you are. okay? you don't have to "become a Fan."

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

« »
RSS | Contact | Contribute | Login


December 2010
November 2010
On My Honor
October 2010
Witch Hunt
September 2010
If, Then.
May 2010
Small Crimes
April 2010
February 2010
"It's Complicated"
January 2010