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Cocktails, the Cubs & Other Complications

I wanted to write about the Bowl Championship Series in college football but that was too complicated. Besides the BCS, here is my top ten list of things that I find complicated:

10.	Geometry
  9.	Spanish IV
  8.	Taxes
  7.	Judging for Olympic Ice Skating
  6.	Chicago Cubs
  5.	Writing in Chinese
  4.	Brain Surgery
  3.	Love
  2.	Politics
  1.	Religion

I make it a practice to avoid talking about these topics because they are too complicated except for the Chicago Cubs. The reason I can talk about the Cubs is because I am somewhat of an expert on the complicated history of this cursed team. Which brings me to this conclusion: Only someone who considers themselves an expert on a certain complicated subject feels comfortable writing or talking about that topic. So as an authority on alcohol, I offer these COMPLICATED cocktails.

C	California Surfer
	Pineapple Juice
	Malibu Coconut Rum
O	Orgasm
	Peppermint Schnapps
M	Morning Wood
	Peach Schnapps
	Orange Juice
	Sour Mix
	Chambord (Raspberry Liqueur)
P	Purple Warrior
	Southern Comfort
	Peach Schnapps
	Blue Curacao
	Lime Juice
	Splash of Soda
L	Land Rover
	Dark Crème de cacao
	Dark Rum
	Captain Morgan
I	Irish Car Bomb
	(Bonus drink)
	Italian Stallion
C	Chocolate Valentine
	Vanilla Vodka
	Dark Crème de cacao
	Cherry juice
	Splash of soda and cream
A	Almond Cookie
	Butterscotch Schnapps
T	Tropical Passion
	Peach Schnapps
	Sloe Gin
	Triple Sec
	Orange Juice
E	Elvis Presley
	Crème de banana
D	Diehard
	Gold Rum
	Cinnamon Schnapps
	Citrus Vodka
	Banana juice
	Splash of milk

I suggest you sample 3 or 4 of these drinks, and afterwards I guarantee you will feel qualified to discuss any of the above complicated topics.

4 responses to “Cocktails, the Cubs & Other Complications”

  1. Jason Jason says:

    I love how you specify Spanish IV, Brian–that's exactly when the subject gets hard. Another great piece! I'm going to miss these contributions when they move on to the next level.

  2. Avatar angelatav says:

    Love this, love this. Plus, I'm all over that California Surfer this weekend—all over it.

  3. Avatar tee says:

    Sadly.. my first thought when reading this was "Damn, why didn't I have this list in College? Cause that sounds like a seriously good saturday night"… then my next thought was… oh, I'm 32 not 23 … and there is NO WAY i could even get to "L" before passing out!! Great list… Going to have to find a reason to make at least … there are too many "O" jokes popping around in my head right now!!

  4. Avatar llxt says:

    hmm. interesting. but why didn't you include savignon blanc on here? enough of that definitely makes me an "expert" on many, many complicated subjects.

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papimcgill About papimcgill

Brian "Papi" McGill has never met a liquor or a sport he doesn't like. He can give you any sport stat or make any drink you desire on request. If you're ever in St. Augustine, FL, stop by the Caddy Shack and he'll entertain you with stories of his crazy days (last week), challenge you to a ridiculous bet based on obscure sports knowledge, and/or dance you off the dance floor.

Read more by this author on 30POV .


December 2010
November 2010
On My Honor
October 2010
Witch Hunt
September 2010
If, Then.
May 2010
Small Crimes
April 2010
February 2010
"It's Complicated"
January 2010