How to complicate and uncomplicate your silly life.
In the spirit of removing complication, this article will provide clear and simple ways for you to continue complicating your life……..::::::::::::::))))))) and perhaps a few hints to help you get out of those messes you created to complain about to all your complicated friends….
11 Ways to Complicate Your Life:
1. Let other people talk you into doing things you don’t want to do.
You know when you don’t want to do something. Whenever you feel like not doing something your friends want you to do, do it anyway, you will earn their friendship, and that’s far more important than living your own life.
2. Get into a pre-defined relationship, preferably monogamous.
This will help you to convince yourself that fucking only one person for the rest of your life is a good idea. The repression of your urge to have sex with almost everyone you see will provide endless complication for you to complain about later.
3. Go on fad diets.
That’s right, restrict yourself in some bizarre way to achieve a promised future goal.
4. Join a church or religious group and become a true believer in their doctrine.
Belief in other people’s answers to the great unanswered questions of life will help you to forget who and what you are. This will add all kinds of complication to your life in the form of cognitive dissonance. You will learn to twist your mind into all kinds of manipulations to accept the increasingly absurd doctrines you have adopted.
5. Engage in road rage every chance you get.
Complaining about the inevitable traffic situations you will find yourself in can add beautiful complications like gunshots, random fights on the highway, and….if you are lucky….a car accident. You didn’t want to get where you were going anyway, did you?
6. Get a “good” job.
This will add all kinds of complications. You will think you’re supposed to be happy with all that new money rolling in. Who needs entrepreneurialism anyway? Once you have spent enough years at a job you hate, your mind will be so dependent and complicated, you might never have to think of your olde worn-out dreams again.
7. Lie to everyone about everything.
This way, you can always wonder when someone will find you out…How deliciously complicated!
8. Believe in all the ideas you maintain about yourself.
This will establish a wonderful invisible prison you can live in for the rest of your life. You never have to ask yourself what you really want, because your idea of who you ARE will always dictate your actions….well, that is, the actions that aren’t already dictated to you by your biology and brain structure.
9. Continue to maintain friendships and relationships you can’t stand.
This is the basis for many family relationships. Continue to interact with the people you hate. This will give you endless fuel for all the complaining and complication you so desperately need to feel alive.
10. Spend all day on your computer.
11. Adopt an attitude of self-judgment and subsequent punishment all the time.
How to UN-Complicate your life:
1. Keep your mind where your body is….at all times.
It doesn’t matter if you think happy or sad thoughts, stop drifting off into fantasy land. Instead, enjoy the majestic beauty of life in a body. Keep your mind focused on what the body is doing at all times.
2. Keep your self-worth at 100% all the time, no matter what you find yourself doing.
Most people’s lives are dictated almost completely by their biology. Enjoy this fact instead of fearing it. You have gotten onto a very exciting roller coaster. If you’re lucky, you might sit back and enjoy the ride.
3. Eat whatever you want when you’re hungry.
This will really piss off your vegan friends. Just stop bullshitting yourself and eat the foods you love. This love for foods will guide you to a pleasant state of happiness. From that state, you might even decide you love your body enough to work out….doing workouts that you enjoy!
4. Sleep when you feel tired.
Simple, once you accomplish #5 below.
5. Quit your job right this very minute.
Stop letting other people and situations determine for you where to place your body and mind day in and day out. By quitting, you will create a vacuum. I know it will feel very scary, but not as scary as sitting on the edge of your deathbed realizing you wasted your precious life on a stupid fucking job. (Will any of you quit right now? I doubt it…..hahahahahahahahaha good luck.) Save your excuses for the people you normally complain to.
6. Dump or divorce your significant other RIGHT NOW!
If your supposed friend still loves you without the invisible and visible contracts, you have won a REAL FRIEND. (To give this some merit, I will tell you that the moment my ex-girlfriend started fucking other people, including one of my best friends, it led to the best times of my life. Her and I have a better friendship now than we have ever had while in prison with one another.) Don’t feed me a line of bullshit about how wonderful your relationship is. You can still enjoy time and sharing with the man or woman. Why have the agreements, the contracts?
7. Stop complaining and take responsibility for your life.
For one week, make note of how many conversations you observe and take part in that revolve around complaints. Next, stop engaging in them. When you notice yourself about to complain, SHUT UP! Next, take a moment to think about your motivation for complaining…do you want other people to feel pity for you? Because complaining makes you pitiful. DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE INSTEAD OF COMPLAIN!
8. This one comes from Cartman: “You gotta learn to chill. Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while – and do whatever you want all the time – you can miss it.”
This one can feel very scary for people….people who have fear of their own deepest desires. Assume that you yourself are Gawd at play in the universe….the universe of your own creation. Arrogant? Maybe. Well, you are gawd, after all…so you might as well start enjoying it…unless you don’t want to enjoy it.
9. Masturbate every time you feel compelled to do so.
If you have ANY qualms about this, laugh at yourself and masturbate anyway. Self pleasure is the point and purpose of your life, whether you agree or disagree. Take your mother’s hand away from yours and stroke yourself until you cum. Scream in ecstasy. Repeat. Sex is a temporary substitute for masturbation. If you don’t yet believe me, ask yourself why you almost constantly fantasize during sex. It is likely you came into this world as a result of your father masturbating into your mother. Did your parents practice tantric sex? I didn’t think so. PS: The fantasizing during sex will cease when you perform #10.
10. Fuck whomever you wish, whenever you wish, without fear of consequences.
Just try it. Seriously. Stop worrying so fucking much and enjoy your body in conjunction with other people’s bodies. (This one will do wonders for my popularity among the prudes… đ
Most of the consequences have been installed deliberately to keep society together. If there were no silly rules, most people would fuck each other all day long. Sounds like a shitty life, eh?
11. Enjoy absolutely everything.
This can be the toughest path to living your dreams that you will ever encounter. However, immense power and beauty await you around every corner. Make an effort to turn joy into an active–instead of a passive–experience. You will never be disappointed. In fact, you will fall so in love with life and with yourself that you really don’t have to do anything else on the list. Your own joy will guide you throughout the rest of your life. How wonderful is that?
Best wishes and good luck!
I love you all, (wanna have sex?)
-Garrett
About Jack Wild
You know what? I think I need to print this out.
Good stuff, dude.
Absolutely! I'm going to scribble a few of these down on post-its and stick 'em up around my office and apartment as reminders.
No disrespect to your prior contributions…but this is your best yet. Great read.
you know, it's an interesting concept… (the first 10). {americans} are always obsessed with trying to make their lives better; why not try to make it worse and see what happens? i bet we'd stop taking all this shit for granted. if it's between "boring" and "complicated," i know what i choose…
I choose complicated… come on.. its so much more fun! I mean… seriously… the ulcers, panic attacks, contant anxiety… I love it that way….
why can't we just follow the second set of rules? I like those ones better!
Undoubtedly, all of us will continue to choose to enact both of these lists at once. Sometimes you can get an edge on the complication and enjoy simplicity….the eye of the storm….
Lee lee, that's great. I think deliberately practicing the first list will reveal what our motivations consist of. After the horror of coming face to face with my motivations, my life always feels less complicated and more joyous….but I had to face those motivations first.
Thanks much, MrP. I loved writing this post. $1.50 off martinis didn't hurt the writing at all……
An archaic revival: the cherry on the top of my idealistic ideal…
Unbounded caveman sex and all the responsibility of a 3 year old in a pillow fight.
Thrice weekly ayahuasca party's, down by the river side, on first sight of the new moon.
Epic.
"Save your excuses for the people you normally complain to." HAHAHAHA!
Thank You G! Beautiful work.
Men want sex so they can spread their DNA, so I completely understand why the "dump your partner and fuck everyone" approach appeals to you. However, generally, women want love, trust and commitment with ONE partner to raise kids and mature together. They don't want to be going out on the town looking for a quick fuck when they're 50 – or what, spend the rest of their life alone? Sorry to be a "prude" man, but this philosophy only suits bachelors like yourself – it's not a practical blueprint for everyone, and it's especially abhorrent to most women I know.
Nope – I disagree.
I think it’s inferred by the very tone of the piece that this approach is only tailored for the young; those not yet ready to be tied down and slung headlong into the ultra-horrific reality of grown-up life…
Children.
Children? Um, how young are we talking here. Kinda creepy…
Bev (and fent/tailor), I totally disagree. As a woman, I wish MORE women would realize the joy of Free Love–as they used to call it. And I think Garrett's approach, if I may Interpret you GD, is that one or the other won't work. Balance. So–at least in my case–monogamy, when practiced without Full Realization of the Consequences, can be very, very bad. And it's the same for sleeping around. Being able to do what you please during all ages of your life is a universal desire; not a "masculine" one.
p.s. I love you, McKnight. Hugs-n-Kisses!!!!
You go, Lee lee! Yes!
liberal arts education at an all women's college. what can i say?
The fucking glorious shine off this piece puts me in the mood for some of Baz Luhrmann's distilled Mary Schmich Moonshine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
fucking refreshing shit!
lol !
But, Fent, he doesn't say "everyone under 30 should listen to this, everyone else not so much." I find most of Garrett's points unobjectionable, most kinds of simplification actually would help a lot of people, but I don't see how abandonment of monogamy helps anyone who's in a committed relationship. Most people are in these types of relationships because they want to be, and have found the alternatives, some of which Garrett suggests, as lacking, at least for them. Sweeping generalizations of this type are ridiculously short sighted.
Take what you get, don't take what you don't get. A free life is yours anytime you choose to live it. Even right this very moment. If you are happy doing whatever it is you're doing, by all means, keep doing it. I am not making any kind of judgments about what you do. Actually, all I am really doing is flowing like a river, and I feel glad all of you have decided to sit by me, swim in me, and enjoy the rushing rapids and slow drifts. Drink it up and enjoy.
Hilarious!!!
Thank you, oh bornless one.
You forgot:
Complicate your life: Take care of children
Uncomplicate your life: Abandon your children NOW.
good point. keep {condoms} in mind when you're living that Uncomplicated life. ha ha.
oh, grow the fuck up already. Really, you are still buying into the bullshit that true partnership is some kind of slavery? There are a lot of pussies out there, baby, and most of them ain't worth shit. Real partners, on the other hand, aren't fucking golden. Own that mutherfucker.
lulz! I love it! Thanks, guest #102. I feel so curious who you might be. I have my guesses ;)…. Please, define for our audience what you mean by "true partnership." I, for one, have had many experiences I would define as true partnership. I consider the ex-girlfriend I mentioned in the post as one of my "true partners" in life. She and I share with each other about everything, including our sexual exploits and our deepest desires. If you enjoy your true partnership and don't find it a prison, why the animosity? And yes, thank you, I will OWN that. In fact, I will make a grand attempt to own everything….in the sense that Max Stirner described….read up some Stirner and let me know if you need help understanding….
them's my drunk fingers talkin'… I meant are… ARE fucking golden.
PS: if you feel bold and/or drunk enough, perhaps reveal your identity and share with our studio audience some of your writings on freedom, relationships, and brain change. It would be great to truly share with you.
You have your guesses? That's rich. So ask away. Even if you had me pegged, you don't know shit about me (nor, I admit, do I truly know a damn thing about you) but you've posted this stuff publicly and I can't abide unoriginal thinking. Sorry.
So, to answer your request, here are some thoughts on the matter, paraphrased from a recent dialogue concerning related matter, as this seems to be a recurrent subject of conversation in my life of late:
I'm of the belief that a new paradigm of partnership is rapidly coming into being. Love is an integral part of it, but not the love that so often has been sold to us. It is not based on ownership, or co-dependency, nor does it flee from commitment, rather it honors the individual as it honors the other and if it flees from anything it's stagnation. It demands room to grow and change.
It involves deep commitment, but not obligation. It is based on choice. It is not based on sacrifice, but service. It is a true union of equals and, as such, requires radical honesty and integrity and respect of both self and partner. The individual, having worked toward integration of the masculine and feminine aspects within, approaches the other not from a place of need, but from a place of wholeness. It is risky. There are no guarantees, but such love and trust and union between true equals is worth the effort and risk. This would be the general outline of what I think "true partnership" looks like.
I am not talking of partnership as a pragmatic concern. I am certainly not speaking as a True Believer. I've been wrestling with this question of love and of partnership for a long, long time. When I look around in the world I see compulsive coupling that arises from fear, from a desire for stability and security, to ward off loneliness, to avoid the self, to have someone else to blame etc. None of those scenarios feel like actual love to me. Certainly they are not partnership. Love based on fear and insecurity and lack is not love but hate disguised as love.
So, maybe what we look toward in the future of love, where true partnership can exist, is a time when we don't hate each other and call it love; a time when we love ourselves well enough to be alone if necessary and if and when we meet an equal who is ready to share their heart with ours, then it will be a love where every gesture is an act of both love, and what is perhaps the highest form of love, compassion.
Love, it seems to me, has generally been misused and misunderstood on the whole. We call all sorts of bullshit crutches love or partnership. But that's just it; mostly they are bullshit. If I love you, really love you, then I am not motivated by my own selfish desires, nor will I martyr myself and slander love. Sometimes, love means not getting what you want precisely because the beloved is cherished so that the only choice is to act with compassion and to let go with love.
Love is not blind. It sees all and loves anyway. So, perhaps love, and thus what I describe as true partnership, is coming into its fullness first as a gesture inward and once there is wholeness within, it can be pointed outward and shared with others without neediness, without manipulation, but with complete compassion, however that particular relationship manifests in the world and between bodies.
It takes a person wholly owning their own power and being open and vulnerable to such power in an other to really manifest true partnership. Fucking whomever you please doesn't get you any closer to owning that power. People do that and think, hey, yes, I've broken some taboos, or I've acknowledged some dark desire that any real partner would have fucking satisfied anyway, and think they are making progress. Fucking is just fucking, my friend. What I'm talking about goes way deeper than that.
"I've acknowledged some dark desire that any real partner would have fucking satisfied anyway"
I have not found it possible to satisfy my needs and wants with only one partner. I do not think this implies that I have not found the "one" yet, or other such fantasy.
In references to this part: "It involves deep commitment, but not obligation. It is based on choice. It is not based on sacrifice, but service. It is a true union of equals and, as such, requires radical honesty and integrity and respect of both self and partner."
Define "deep commitment" …. commitment to what, exactly?
Define "service"
Define "requires."
It's not that I disagree, I just find these words loaded with meaning that I want to understand more fully.
I could explain more, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist for you to ask the boy you think I know what the fuck my deal is. I'm sure he could enlighten you. I'm no slouch in this department. I'll own what I say and I'll reassess if it seems necessary. In fact, I'll likely buy you a fucking drink, should we ever meet, and we'll talk it out. I'm one mouthy bitch, for sure, but I happen to usually know what the hell I'm talking about.
P.S. It's not about hate. I just have an incredibly low tolerance for bullshit in my life these days, so if I smell it, I call it. Add a few beers and the fingers start flyin'… That particular aspect of your commentary was rife with stale, ordinary cliche, but that doesn't mean I don't think we might have a real encounter and something worthy to exchange one day. It just means what I said: Fucking is just fucking, and perhaps just doing that is the path to liberation for many. But it's certainly not the be all end all of encounters. Often it presents as the same kind of shackles being afraid to fuck whomever you like presents. Neither scenario is grand. But, let's face it: most people are decidedly not-grand.
P.P.S I don't need Max Stirner explained to me. I can read and I know how to digest and discard in whatever ways I find appropriate, but thank you nonetheless. Try not to talk too much shit on the way to my boy's FB page m'kay? xoxo and kisses! For serious! MWUAH!
lulz. That had waited a long time to emerge, eh? Identify yourself and I’ll continue the conversation. Otherwise, its just another idealistic rant on love. I’m glad my words could generate your outpouring. Thanks for stopping by. Not sure what you mean about the FB boy and other such comments. hmmm. This seems more like something you could message directly to me…
boldness?
If my rant presents as idealism, you're not hearing me; I'm no rosy-eyed idealist. I just sent you a direct message. We can discuss further, should you like.
Something fascinating just came to mind. This discussion centered around only 1 of the 11 points mentioned in the article. I do like that it has generated this much attention, but what do you think of the rest of the article, the article as a whole, and the principles (if any) behind the whole thing…?
Totally on board with the attitude you present in the commentary 11 ways to complicate your life. One minor point on #2 is that if it is pre-defined it is not actually a relationship, as in, one based on actually relating, but a Relationship (trademark pending), as in proscribed roles and scripted behavior. With that in mind, whether it might be a wildly unconventional 3 way, bisexual romance, with a fondness for pickles, but it might still be a Relationship in all the important ways.
As for how to UN-Complicate your life:
1. Big YES.
2. Agreed.
3. Of course.
4. Also yes.
5. I agree in principal, though am still working out the practicality. So far, I haven't found a way to get paid to write poems, climb trees, and stare in awe at oceans or volcanoes, and since I very much like to eat when I'm hungry and can't rely on my charm for food all the time, I'm stuck having to pay for things for a while.
6. I think you know what I'd say to this. It's all about paying attention to the actual relationship. If your marriage/Relationship is a prison, by all means, get out. If your prison is your inability to commit to anything and is driven by fear, then jumping ship on an actual relationship (as previously defined) won't necessarily help.
7. FUCK YES.
8. I thought this one came from Ferris Bueller. Did I just date myself?
9. With pleasure.
10. See our entire exchange and point 6 above. There are consequences to everything. Action, inaction. It's all about making choices. Know them. Own them. Make your choices for your own reasons. Yes. And certainly, people need to generally chill out about sex. Most of the time, it's just fucking folks… just a few inches of flesh pressed together for a brief sweaty time. But, I'm all for respecting my partner as much as myself, which means, sometimes just fucking ain't fucking worth it. If I need to fuck, I can follow point 9 and take matters into my own hands. If you've made agreements with another grounded in your actual relationship to that person, well, you get the idea.
11. YES YES YES YES YES.
"it doesn't take a rocket scientist for you to ask the boy you think I know what the fuck my deal is."
"Try not to talk too much shit on the way to my boy's FB page m'kay?"
I actually have no idea what you are referring to here.
Excellent post. People need to take control by letting go of things like can't control. It's like they're terrified of jumping off the merry-go-round because they think the ground is moving.
Aww, I think somebody needs a hug, and maybe a ham sandwich. The only problem I have with this article is that you didn't give credit to the 8 year old that must have come up with this list.
Thanks for the lulz, Hermes. Actually, a 3-year-old made up the list for me. (Thanks, li'l dude!)
What's even more hilarious than that? That little 3-year-old actually has way more fun at life than any silly grown-ups I have ever met.
p.s. As soon as I turn 30 I better get ready for the apparently obligatory descent into death which requires me to settle down, pop out a few more humanimals, stop fucking, put my energy into some "project" or another as a way to distract myself from the youth still left in my body, acquire a mortgage, and wait for my peaceful return to the abyss….. FUN :/
Thanks for chiming in, sweet sheils. You will always be the sweetest in my heart and mind. đ <3
rotflmao @ everyone!
Yay! me too….lulz.
Wow. If the obligatory descent into death, popping out a litter of puppies, and not fucking are the hallmarks of one's 30s then I'm way off track…
What I find more disturbing is that there seems to be such reductionist thinking about whatever side of this question one falls on, as if being physically/psycho-spiritually/emotionally committed to another human being and affirming life, having lots of good, wet, wild fucking, and enjoying the hell out of your life are somehow necessarily mutually exclusive.
Fucking multiple partners is no sure sign of individuation or liberation any more than commitment to one's chosen partner is a sign of death and stagnation. Just saying, I'd rather not be a part of the robot parade, no matter what– or who– those robots are doing…
yeah, but………….. would dialogue exist if we didn't all think in such a black/white manner? and by "dialogue", i, of course, mean Debate. ha ha.
but really, not many people can live in the gray area (e.g. Hot, Wild Sex and Marriage too!). a "top ten (or 11) list" by it's very nature has to take a stand, and that means other people are going to take other stands. of course, any intelligent 30-year-old living today knows that it's not ONE or the OTHER; life is gray, after all. but this isn't about real life–it's about a mode of thinking. and it's the way we {all} think, unless we've been liberated.
wow I'm glad ur not at my parties… buzzkill :/
what post is this in response to?
My guess is that it's in response to my post, though, I'll admit, I'm not sure what about what I wrote equals "buzzkill" …
My guess is that it's in response to my post, though, I'll admit, I'm not sure what about what I wrote equals "buzzkill" …
rotflmao is damn right! HAHAHAHAH! I can't imagine giving so much thought to these ideas, but I have to say I love, "I don't need Max Stirner explained to me. I can read and I know how to digest and discard in whatever ways I find appropriate, but thank you nonetheless."
p.s. I am the "ex-girlfriend" and yeah true partnership is actually literally a ship, we're shipmates on this flying orb….. Nothing to do with sexxx
Even Orb pilots need physically connective love, however…..
whatevs yo
Wow, GD! Great post. 46 comments and counting. You get a raise! đ
refreshing. what better diving board to position one's feet off of. release thy will and let it fly. i just quit my job and hired myself back because it allows me to eat what i want, fuck who i want and sing and dance like an asshole when i want. thanks for the encouragement.
Heh, much of this is valuable even if there are some points with which I disagree, or am simply uncomfortable with. The aim of liberation is to be able to live your life as you want it without compulsion. Which means that which I find good in this I may try and adopt — that which I'm not comfortable with or don't like, I don't need to do. There is no "wrong" or "right" in this. Only suggestion.
I think another good way to complicate your life is not only to lie to everyone about everything, but to tell the truth to everyone about everything ;).
Hey there I’m a huge backer of your blog. Hope you keep updating it all the time.