Today is Your Big Day!
Congratulations! Today is the big day. You’re getting married. All the planning and discussing and list-whittling-down and invitation-envelope-licking—it’s all come down to today.
You went to the barber and got a straight shave this morning. He nicked you a bit more than he should have. Good timing. But don’t worry about it, nicks heal. A cold washcloth is magic on your neck.
You sit and wait for your ride.
Naturally, you’re nervous. Not about the marriage itself—you’re ready for that. Your friends think you must be worried, but you’re not. You’re honored to say you’ve picked the best partner in the world. She’s already at Harrington, getting her hair and make-up done. You’ll feel better when you see her. But for now, all you can think about is getting through the day. Over 100 people will be at the ceremony, all looking at the two of you. Butterflies. You don’t always enjoy being the center of attention.
That’s OK—it really shouldn’t be that difficult. You’ll stand there and smile and parrot a few words back at the pastor. That’s all it really is. Exchange the rings. Kiss. Then there’ll be a lot of handshaking, thanking people for coming, working your way around the room. What’s her cousin’s wife’s name again?
But you’re still nervous. And let’s face it, this is a big event. Everyone’s been talking about it for a long time. Stop concentrating on how nervous you are, or you’ll get a stomach ache. Your intestines are already gurgling. You don’t want to shit your rented tux. Drink some Pepto, man.
The wedding is four and a half hours away. Your ride is supposed to be here in… hey, where is your ride? He’s already ten minutes late! Check your phone—
“hey dude im on my way”
OK, he’s on his way. Trust. Nothing you can control. You’ll make it in time.
Do you have everything? Rings, check. License, check. Sweaty palms, check and check.
You need a plan for getting through this. What are your options?
- Drink heavily. Pro: No one will judge on your wedding day, right? Start with the champagne and power through. Con: Slurring your way through the marriage vows is an inauspicious start.
- Pop those leftover pills from when you had your wisdom teeth extracted. Pro: Your mom calls them “relax and go to sleep pills.” What could go wrong? Con: They expired over a year ago, and you’ll have no memory of your wedding day. Lame.
- Fastforward through the day. Pro: You can bypass the stress and anxiety and get right to the honeymoon. Con: You love the band and you kinda wanna dance tonight. Plus, Life apparently doesn’t have a fast-forward button.
- Eat, Pray, Love. Pro: This book has all the answers to life. Con: This book is for the type of shallow people who do yoga because it’s the perfect excuse for wildly self-centered behavior. Ugh, those people are almost as bad as writers.
OK, now you’re just being sarcastic for no reason. You’re losing your focus here and you still don’t have a plan.
Forget it, you can just wing it. Live in the now, right? Think about her. When you get to Harrington, and you finally see her, all the B.S. will be worth it. Think about that moment. That’ll get you through. You aren’t doing this alone. Remember that. Think about her.
And hey, where is your ride, anyway?