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Fun With Out of Office Autoreplies

Hi. You’ve reached Matt. I am not in the office right now, because I am out doing something that requires me to not be in my office, while you are on some PC somewhere surfing the internet, and stumbled across this site somewhere between XTube and TMZ. Or was it a diversion from the pictures of female celebrity of the day’s cooch on PerezHilton.com? Or perhaps just a misclick when responding to the guy in Nigeria promising you millions of dollars for entering your bank account info.

You can leave a message if you’d like; that is if the desire to click on some poorly animated dancing woman trying to sell you insurance doesn’t get you to click to another page first.

If you do leave a message, I am not sure if I will get back to you, but that’s ok considering the little patch of varied smiley faces that make noises when you move your mouse over them will probably have you forgetting why you even left a message in the first place. They are so adorable, that even that ring tone frog you played for your friends until they beat you with chains is put to shame.

And hey… who can blame you right? There’s only so much one can remember when they are selecting the “three offers” that will lead them to that free iPad promised in that flickering ad you saw a couple of minutes ago.

So perhaps when you’re done clicking on that window that popped up out of nowhere telling you your system is in danger, and installing a piece of parasitic software you will never be able to remove, you can bring yourself together enough to formulate a message. Unless of course you’re distraught about not reposting that Facebook status about being a real American, and the implications that will have on your reputation with the people who never talked to you in high school but now bend over backwards to have you as a “friend”. What would Hulk Hogan do?

Come to think of it, with those memory issues you seem to have, maybe there is some help out there for you from one of those sites offering to make your wang ginormous and virile. Surely the extra blood flow would stimulate brain activity, right? Or maybe you need exercise to get the juices flowing. Perhaps a site selling you extreme low cost Chinese Nike rip-offs could help.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter. I’m back now, so if you’ve got something to say, just say it. I’ll surely get right back at you when I figure out the significance of the custom Google logo I just saw when I was looking up that Nigerian millionaire.

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If, Then.
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Small Crimes
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"It's Complicated"
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