Jail Cells Build Character
Once we age beyond our twenties our development simply progresses as much as we can hope. Thus, the nature of our mischief might need to change.
Some mature trouble making ideas:
1. Wear that disgusting tee-shirt to school parent-teacher conference (you know, the one listing 50 ways to use “fuck” in a sentence).
2. At the next boring-ass office/cocktail party you have to attend, tell total bullshit lies about your life (“You like my shirt? I picked it up one summer backpacking around Uzbekistan.”).
3. Tell people you and your mate swing, then act incensed when the creep admits the same.
4. Wear shorts which allow a nut to dangle. Just one. Both would be disgusting, not funny.
5. The next time you feel like giving another driver the bird, DON’T. Just point and laugh OR waggle your tongue between your fingers.
6. Use obscure words to obfuscate your meaning and confuse listeners. Hell, just make words up. Note how few people will ask for clarification (they aren’t listening).
7. When confronted with grocery store beggars, ask them for spare change (“I realize you are selling plastic jewelry to support the Uzbek people, but I’m short the 12 bucks for a pack of cigarettes.”).
8. Fart in public. Loudly.
9. EMBRACE AWKWARD. Awkward is funny. Hell, just look at the spelling.
10. DON’T do number 4 at the playground, reserve that one for Tupperware events or door to door marketing.
To recap: The making of mischief changes as you get older. We must transition from garden variety vandalism to social terrorism.
Good luck out there.
About Chris
Pretty sure I have #8 down pat.
I’m so glad that I read this; thanks, Chrispy. It has me completely rethinking my approach.
Good point about #9. But how do you embrace something that’s so…AWKWARD.
RE: #4. I can count 2 times in my life when I’ve seen someone’s balls and wasn’t supposed to. I’m still traumatized by both encounters. Please, for the love of God, do not let your nut hang out…whatever you do!!!!!!!!!
I must provide counterpoint here. As someone who once accidentally exposed a ball to an unsuspecting track runner, I can attest that those shorts are difficult to manage. Plus, my junior high school gym teacher always wore small athletic shorts and led the class in the butterfly stretch, so I’m more a victim than any person who has to see the turkey eyeball. [sound of sobbing]
Is it odd that I know a guy with one ball, another with three balls, as well as a buddy with no (actual) balls, but testicular implants? Oh, and for good measure, I know another guy whose ballsack hangs half way down his thigh; yes, beyond the length of his penis. [I’m sad for him.]
i mean to reply to this a long time ago, but didn’t b/c, well, you don’t complete me, mr. P… more like “you disgust me.” 😉
also…what does snooty have to say about this post???