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Best of 30POV: Genoa Delinquency…

“Best/Most {F}ucked Up Criminal Activity Post”

Technically, this isn’t DimpinD’s most popular post; however, out of all the confessions this site has hosted, stealing deli meat has got to be one of the best.  Certainly, it’s my favorite.

Genoa Delinquency*

It all began in the morning; having counted on a cheap weekend in the Valley, Genevieve and Seamus were on the prowl. Things here didn’t always go as planned, maybe it was the azure blue skies, and the crisp, yet warm breezes coming down slope from the still snow capped peaks of the taller mountains surrounding them. Perhaps it was just a feeling of freedom that you cannot attain in the city, and in urban life. It was different here. You spend more freely. Had our protagonists been in their usual locale they never would have considered dropping a bunch of cash in an obvious trap like The Bavarian Chocolate Haus, or purchased a T-shirt that proudly proclaims you a tourist, and gets you snickered at by the locals.

Finding themselves awake and eager to see some sights, to just have a chance to absorb the relaxed, and overall less-intense mood that infects everyone who visit, they window shop casually, and take a nice cruise down the scenic highway.  Both Genevieve and Seamus comment on their lack of nourishment. The glazed cruller from the morning had long since worn off, and their digestive systems were letting them know.” Let’s go to the market and grab some stuff for dinner,” says Genevieve.  Seamus heads towards the retail area wondering how they’ll pay.

One can not prognosticate the weight of Genevieve’s proposal.  For, on this day, something happened, in their perusal of the store that early May evening, the need for fun (and food) overrode the Law.  While stalking the wine aisles for a cheap and palatable red, it was decided.  It would be easy to just make off with dinner, pay for a nice bottle of wine, and save money. You mean by stealing? Oh yes.

“It will be easy.”  Genevieve says, in absolute certainty. “We get all our stuff we need.  The biggest purchase is the deli items but they’re small and compact; we just pocket them, and pay for the cheap stuff.”  With some apprehension, Seamus agrees. No sooner does he mumble “I guess we could…,” than Genevieve goes to the counter and begins ordering.  Seamus walks around, pondering the possibilities–so much to consider.  Every delicious item that inhabits the Olive Bar suddenly becomes that much more enticing.  Before he can make a selection,  G walks past.  “Come on, let’s boogie,” she spits back at him, when he doesn’t follow her.

They head for the checkout, Seamus standing nervously, waiting for someone to yell “Stop Thief!”  But it never happens. Genevieve plays it very cool, even joking with the cashier about their Portuguese ancestry. Seamus can’t believe it. They made it out unscathed! The two share a knowing smile, as they leave, and, in an out-of-character move, fueled by the excitement of getting away with something, Seamus rings the brass bell at the exit, indicating he’s received good service.

Once to the car and in what seems like relative safety, Genevieve starts pulling items from her pockets and purse: Salami, cheese, and even some chocolate. They both giggle at the absurdity of the situation, and with the rush that comes when doing something you KNOW you shouldn’t. “We just saved 14 bucks, Seamus!”  G exclaims. “A blast!” Seamus agrees, forgetting he had been apprehensive and a bit worried just moments before when leaving the store.  What they had done was terribly exciting.  They both knew it.  In this moment, the Deli-Inquents were born.

Upon returning to the hotel, Seamus and Genevieve sit down and have a nice light dinner: imported Genoa Salami and sharp provolone cheese sandwiches on crusty, chewy rolls; some Boston lettuce on the side; and, for dessert, a few plums and chocolate. Never had simple, cold food items been so delicious.  And the Wine — fantastic. Cheers to fun! “This could become a habit” says Seamus, “And not just because of how much money we will save!” He stuffs another pilfered goodie into his piehole. They sleep well that night.

In the morning, they pack up, getting ready to end the weekend with the long drive home. On the way, they decide it would be fun to stop and have a picnic.  They look at each other.  They laugh. “You ready?” asks Genevieve. “Yup, let’s do this!” replies Seamus.  So, the dynamic duo of Deli-Inquents descends upon a different market, rounding up an impressive array of yummy stuff far more daring then the last heist.  Last night’s success fuels their choosings. Once in the car, Genevieve notes: “This could become a problem, this thievery of lunch meats, and cheeses.”  Seamus nods. “It sure could. Let’s keep this in perspective, it’s a fun thing on a fun trip. Thats all.”

They continue to ride in silence for a while, until around 1 o’clock when they stop for lunch. They unpack the cooler, and go to sit on a big fallen tree overlooking a lake, with the reflection of the looming mountains in the distance.  Both enjoy the amazing view, their great conversation, and some deliciously naughty food. “I wish I could justify this,” says Genevieve, but before she can continue Seamus interjects, “Why bother? No one was hurt, and it was all done in the name of fun.” Genevieve nods, and takes another bite of her sandwich. “Yeah, I guess you are right–Mr. Scardeypants.” “I was scared,” Seamus said, but the little bit of a rush I got knowing I had done wrong makes it, well, better.”


Small crimes.  This is how it all begins.

Genevieve and Seamus went home that day, planning on not participating in the aforementioned activities ever again.  But, they still do.  If you are ever walking through the Grocery Store and see a short Portuguese girl ordering some really expensive cold cuts, take a look around, near the Olive bar, or in the produce area. Chances are you will see Seamus, mulling over the merits of pitted olives. You can be sure that, later, you’ll see them  in the Checkout, smiling and laughing.  Know they have struck again — The Deli-Inquents.


*”Genoa Delinquency.” Orig. Pub. Date: 5/20/2010. Vol I, Issue 9 ~ Small Crimes ~ 30POV.com; All rights belong to the original author.

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dimpindesign About dimpindesign

DimpinDesign is a 35 year old, carbon based life-form currently residing in the Cape Cod area. His interests include, reading, fishing, playing the guitar, cheating the government, advanced mathematics, alchemy, and deep frying random food items.

Read more by this author on 30POV .


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