Overheard
[A reconstruction of dialogue selectively heard by contributors and friends of 30 POV this last week of July]
CHARACTERS
AL The party’s host. Dressed in sunglasses, a bathing suit, and towel, although there is no pool.
JOHN AL’s new roommate. He just moved “here” from Philly.
CHRISTIE A young Jamaican student in her early 20’s.
OSCAR A very loud, and presumably gay and very drunk, party guest.
RAY Another party guest. Also dressed in a swimsuit and towel.
TWO SAUDI ARABIANS ???
SCENE 1
(An outdoor party or barbecue in a fenced-in backyard. AL, JOHN, and CHRISTIE stand around a table that has hot dogs, hamburgers, pickles, and condiments from the barbecue. Everyone except JOHN is dressed in pool attire. Swimsuits, towels, sunglasses, etc.)
AL: The Saudi Arabians didn’t drink…I swear I had about a half a bottle of wine.
JOHN (confused): I didn’t see any Saudis Arabians here.
CHRISTIE: No John, In fact we still live in grass huts in Jamaica. We don’t even have electricity there, why would we have television?
JOHN: Seriously? I was asking my Al about Saudis being here, not Jamaica, but…
CHRISTIE (interrupts him): No, not seriously. I just said that to blow (pause) your (pause) mind. Jesus!
AL (shouting, arms raised to the sky): I can see the Forbidden City! You are a GENIUS!
CHRISTIE: And the Americans would say it’s global warming.
(Enter OSCAR and RAY. OSCAR is stumbling. RAY is carrying a large inflatable whale pool toy. JOHN looks around, as if expecting to see a pool… or Saudis.)
OSCAR (shouting): You know, it’s just not a party until someone shows up with a whale!
JOHN (now bewildered, to AL): Is this a pool party? What the fuck is up with the whale? And what’s up with the Saudis? I’ve been here the whole time! What’s going on?
AL (pointing at Ray, or the whale, laughing): I think he would be less embarrassed if I caught him stroking it.
OSCAR (to RAY): You know what’s amazing?
RAY: What?
OSCAR (flapping the flippers of the inflatable whale): How much dexterity whales have in those little arms of theirs.
RAY: Are you stoned? (they both laugh)
CHRISITIE: Has a guy named Oscar ever won an Oscar? (all laugh)
OSCAR (to CHRISTIE, picking up a pickle off the table and waving it): Honey, you’re too cute…if I was straight I’d spin ya around and grab you by the pigtails.
CHRISTIE: I swear, if he touches me with that thing, I’m gonna bite it off.
OSCAR: No really…I want a fucking pickle
AL: I think a certain random childlike operator just might get everything on his Christmas list!
OSCAR: Well, he WAS very good this year!
AL (to CHRISITE): Can I want you? (sniffs her)
CHRISTIE: No! Stop that, no investigative sniffing. This isn’t a singles bar!
AL (stops sniffing her): Should we make more shots? Or hot dogs even?
CHRISTIE (to JOHN, who now just staring at everyone else in shock): I have no idea how I’ve stayed single all these years.
JOHN (to CHRISTIE): You’re from Jamaica? I just moved here from Philly. I don’t know anyone very well. Except Al. Not sure I know anyone actually. (laughs, nervously)
CHRISITE: Are we too much trouble for you?
JOHN: Well, no, but…
OSCAR (interrupting, shouting): There’s only one thing to do when you’re in Philly, and that’s get a cheesesteak!
(OSCAR then exits, inside)
JOHN: I miss Philly. He just made me wish I had a cheesesteak.
AL: If you want a hand job, a rest area is the place to go.
JOHN (slightly angry): I said I wish I had a CHEESESTEAK!.
CHRISITE: I wish I played an instrument in a wedding band. I’d like to be the bass player, just up there making people happy.
RAY: I know this is wrong to say, but I really enjoy getting in a fight once in while. My boss says it’s an issue of their perception of me. Maybe I can change their perception by punching them in their motherfucking necks. Who the fuck is that guy to tell me how to do my job? That is some bullshit, man, some fucking bullshit.
(enters Oscar, stumbling back from the house)
OSCAR: I hate sugar.
AL: Just think of it this way, at least you aren’t dead.
(A knock on the gate.)
JOHN: Maybe the Saudis are back?
About ecrussell