Wait, What? Not uncommon dialogues that we’ve all experienced that involve Selective Hearing.
Shay’s: the Celebrity Doppelganger Sighting
“Oh my god, Lisa, don’t look now but I think Ron Jeremy is sitting at the table next to us,” I muttered in a loud whisper out of the side of my mouth.
“Who? What?”, Lisa answered back.
I covered the right side of my mouth and dramatically mouthed “Ron Jeremy”, and kind of pointed to the fat, balding guy wearing a white tank top who had long, curlyish hair and a porn stache.
“Wait, who? I can’t hear you.”, she asked again giving me a questioning look.
At that point subtlety had flown the coop so I more or less yelled, “RON JEREMY”. She started snickering saying that she didn’t know who he was. Apparently Ron Jeremy’s doppelganger also chose to not hear me because I got no reaction from someone who really was the spitting image of “the hardest working man in the business”.
The Hard-boiled Egg: Ask her thrice, shame on you
“So, what are we eating tonight?”, Chuck asked entering the kitchen.
“I’m not sure yet. Literally just walked in the door and need a bit of time to myself. It’s been very stressful these last couple days and I just need to regroup,” Madeline said as she set her bag down.
“Okay, then let’s just order something in, sound good?”
“Absolutely. Hey, I’m going to make some egg salad for the rest of the week lunches.” Madeline said, grabbing the eggs from the fridge.
“Do you want help? What do you want to order?”, Chuck asked.
Madeline raised her head and sighed, setting the eggs into the pot with water. “What ever you want to eat. I’ve been making too many decisions for the past few days. I’m tired. And, honestly, I appreciate your offering to help but I really need some time to sit in my head and evaluate work right now. You go relax and watch television.”
“Okay, babe. I’ll call in food in a few.” Chuck said as he leaned over to kiss Madeline on the cheek and left the kitchen and into the living room.
Not 5 minutes, Chuck came back into the kitchen and looked inquisitively. “Are you mad at me? Did I do anything?”
“No”, Madeline clucked.
“Okay”, he muttered and went back to watching the Food Network.
During the change of shows Chuck came back into the kitchen, leaned against the counter and leered at Madeline.
“Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”
“Yes, I’m absolutely sure. There are several deadlines looming and I’m very tired and cranky from editing.” Madeline quickly responded, while cracking and peeling the now solid eggs.
“Alright”, Chuck said sounding irritated. “Thai should be here in 15 minutes.”
“Great”, Madeline said, clearly agitated and annoyed.
Not 5 minutes later Chuck reentered the kitchen with a pout on his face and as the words “Really, are you sure you’re not…” came out of his mouth Madeline grabbed an egg and threw it straight at Chuck.
Without a word, he retreated to the living room and left her in silence until it was time to eat dinner.