Did I ever tell you about the time I accidentally smoked PCP? (or the alternate title to that book I’ll probably never write)

**Please note that this took place almost 15 years ago when I was 16 years old. The Statute of Limitations is long up for getting in trouble for this.

Around 10:30 I pulled into the Emergency Room parking lot. Purse? Check. Desserts? Check. No, there was no emergency on my part. When I was in high school my father worked as a night-shift pharmacist at the hospital by my mom’s house. Rather than going to parties on the Saturday nights that my dad worked, I’d bring him desserts and spend some one-on-one time with him.

I entered the hospital through the ER (now it’s called an ED?) waiting room & walked up to intake. “Hi Joel! How are you tonight?”, I said to the intake attendant.

“Hey Em! It’s been a pretty quiet night, which is nice. You here to see your dad?”, Joel responded.

“Yep. Brought him some goodies.”, I said back.

“Lucky guy. Go ahead on in, I’ll buzz you through.” Joel said.

I walked through the sliding doors and to the pharmacy where my dad was there to greet me with a hug. “What did you bring me?”, Dad asked.

“A flourless chocolate cake and a creamy, fruity, tarty thing. You know, to keep your Seratonin up with the chocolate and also provide the essential daily fruit intake.” I said. (sidenote: about three years later we would get into an argument at the local grocery while picking out a pie….he wanted French Silk and I was all over the Banana Cream. My brother, being the judge, put in his vote for the Banana Cream because “bananas have nutritional value”.)

“Excellent combination.” Dad responded as we sat down in the break room in the pharmacy. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, school’s the same, Coach is killing us at swim practice.” I said. “Um, dad, can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course.”, he responded.

“Well, this friend of mine, Elizabeth, told me about this experience she had.” I said.

“Okay, is she alright?”

“Yes, it’s just that she came to me asking because, well, she knows that you’re a pharmacist, and, well, thought I might be able to help.”

“Okay?”. Dad said, shooting me his inquisitive look.

“Alright, so she was hanging out with a couple friends of our other friends, Julie and Ann, before the football game last Friday and they decided that they wanted to smoke pot so they got some pot and made a bowl and decided to smoke it on Elizabeth’s back deck because her parents were out that night.” I began. (another sidenote: my dad has always encouraged us to be open with him about whatever…his attitude has always fallen on the at-least-they’re-talking-about-it side and since he’s a pharmacist, who better to ask about pharmacology?…also, yes, that bowl was made out of aluminum foil and yes, I did steal a screen out of my bathroom faucet, and yes, my mother was completely perplexed as to why the water from that sink sprayed everywhere for a good five years)

“So they were on her back deck and smoked pot and then Elizabeth pulled down her pants and peed on her deck but while she was peeing she realized that she wasn’t in the bathroom and asked them if she was in the bathroom. So then they went back inside and she couldn’t stop laughing and Julie started to get like hypertensive and freaked out because her pulse was fast, talking about her Tachycardia. And then the Ann said that she didn’t feel anything but that they should get out of the house and go to the football game because the guy that she had a crush on was there. Elizabeth’s parents’ house is only a few blocks from the high school so they started walking.” I continued.

“So one of them was laughing, one was paranoid, and one had no reaction? Hhhmmm.”, Dad asked.

“Yes. But then on their way to the football game Elizabeth looked at Julie but instead of Julie she said that it was Abraham Lincoln so she started laughing and calling Julie Honest Abe because she thought it was so funny. But she said that Julie got even more paranoid and hypertensive or whatever.”

“Did you see them at the football game?”, was Dad’s next question.

“Well, no, because, you see, when they walked up they saw that the police were there and Ann didn’t think it was a very good idea for them to go in so they headed back to Elizabeth’s. Only Elizabeth’s parents had gotten home so they just pulled out the sofa and watched movies.”

“Did Elizabeth’s parents notice anything?”

“No. Elizabeth and Julie said that swim practice had been really hard and they were really tired. So I guess, what she was wondering is whether that’s, like, normal because that hadn’t happened to her before when she’d smoked pot and, well, it was weird that they all had different reactions.” I said.

My dad drew in a long breath and let out a sigh, looked at me lovingly as only fathers can look at daughters and said,“Emmy, honey, you smoked PCP. Don’t buy from that person again. Tell him or her that it was bad. And please pass that tart thing.”

Filed under: Intoxication by emmyem7
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