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Luv, Love, Love?

Hey ladies and fellow Gujus, I scored myself a hell of a deal at the outlet mall this weekend.  Now I hate to shop for clothes, but I hated looking at photos from 5 years ago and realizing I was still wearing the same ol’ shit and decided enough was enough.  True to Paypar form, I made a list (albeit mental) of what I wanted to buy and it seemed the shopping Gods were smiling down on me, since I’d breeze into a store, find exactly what I was looking for at a price I was willing to pay and (cue the angels) I looked damn good in it.
But the BESTEST deal I found was at the White House | Black Market outlet store.  I grabbed three random items and headed to the growing line for the fitting room (yeah, I don’t browse, I just grab and go).  I felt like Goldilocks.  The first dress was too big, the second was too small, and I slid into the third like a toddler on a slip and slide.
And guess what the best part is?  The dress was only $20 my friends, original price $158.  HA!  Yeah, suck it.  I’m the queen of Deals.  Top that, Gujus.


Love. . . Love?
“I want your drama, the touch of your hand. . .I want your love, Love-love-love I want your love. . .” –     Lady Gaga ‘Bad Romance’
These may very well be the feelings you experience with that special person in your life.  Make no mistake, your feelings are real.  However excessive amounts of these feelings trigger hormones that make us overlook some basic qualities we should look for before entering into the life partnership we traditionally call marriage.   Or just make us stupid and we ignore shit.
I’m writing to you – you 20-something year old who thinks you want to get married, or you – the 30-something year old who thinks life’s incomplete because she ain’t got a man.
Why are my fellow women so desperate to get married?  I know some of us just want to get your parents off your backs, but be warned!  It won’t end there.  After you get married you’ll buy maybe six months of peace and then they’ll start in with the pressure to have babies (please don’t make me go there right now).
Have you put real, critical, thought into what you need in your ‘life partner’?   I doubt it.  Finding a husband or wife is a serious business, and often, we ask more questions and do more negotiating for a job or extra hot sauce at Taco Bell than we do before saying ‘I do’.
As an Indian-American, I was raised in a culture that values married women over (yes I’m going to say it) happy women.   Ladies, I firmly believe you can have both, and it doesn’t have to happen at age 23.  In fact, I now encourage anyone getting married under the age of 30 to get counseling first.  You haven’t been an adult long enough, nor do you know a whole lot about anything to make a commitment to someone for the next 50-plus years!
I wish someone had told me what marriage was really like.  What did it mean to be married – what kinds of things can I expect, how the dynamics of a relationship could work and what questions to ask before jumping in.  It sure would have made things a little easier!  Thankfully, I married a man very much my opposite, one who probably conceded a lot more than I did, who accepted me the way I was, and who adjusted to many of my complaints.   I like to think I did the same for him (eventually) but it was a long, and often painful road.
Love’s great.  I love my man, and I am so grateful to have him in my life. Don’t barf. I’m serious!  There’s a lot of wonderful things about being with someone.  But don’t think for a second we haven’t worked hard to enjoy the good times.  I think you can too.
Paypar offers free life advice to her friends , and so far has never been told to shove it.  So venture forth and post your burning questions.  Paypar is all opinion.

17 responses to “Luv, Love, Love?”

  1. llxt llxt says:

    Oh, I can fall in love with an outfit in a minute. Other "things," too…Shoes, dishes, a "new" clock. It only gets worse with children. I can now fall in love with a new truck as easily as I would've a book or pocketbook pre-parenthood. The good news is that this is all temporal. And, eventually, I get rid of the stuff, disowning it as flippantly as I had once instantly adored it.
    (obviously, this attitude does NOT help with the 2nd part of your post…)

  2. Avatar Onu says:

    I love it !!!! Great advice ! I just printed your blog and gave it to medical representitive, who is interested in getting married but not sure:)
    That was a great deal on the dress, can't wait to see it.

    • paypar paypar says:

      Onu – Why is she unsure about getting married? Does she have a fella? Tell your med rep to post her question here and get the real truth according to Paypar.
      I should have posted a pic of the dress, eh? In dress news: it made its debut at work and recieved 3 compliments. Two from men! When I went home, I read the care instructions and it said 'remove belt before washing' FAIL! I did not get a belt with the dress. Aurgh. And men don't come with instructions, so its even easier to think you're getting a deal instead of a dud!

  3. Kail Kail says:

    Wonderful piece paypar. As I near the possibility of marriage, I am thankful I didn't jump into it when I was utterly clueless! Not that I am much better now in general…I mean I still play lots of Ms. Pac Man.
    Happy women are the best no matter their relationship status!
    Same goes for men too 😉
    Well-written work!
    PS Thank you for referencing Ms. Gaga. I can't help loving her…though I would not marry her.

    • paypar paypar says:

      thanks for the ego-boost, kail. i love ms. pac man. i always wanted to have a ms. pac man cocktail table in my place, so i was a little mortified when i found out you can buy a suction cup joystick to stick on an ipad and play ms. pac man on that.
      just one litle comment i wanted to make – i think we need to get away from thinking that there is a 'marriage age' too. if you find the love of your life at 50 and you are alive for even 10 years, isn't that 10 years well spent??
      best wishes to you as you consider marriage for you! imho, its just a label. the more important thing is the relationship with your partner.
      PS: i don't know her personally but she seems like she's got a lot of self-confidence. love that in people.

  4. Kail Kail says:

    Also dig stopwatches. And monocles. And top hats. Clearly I'm from like 1855.

  5. Kail Kail says:

    Ms. Pac Man cocktail table? Nice! Yes, one day I want this: http://patrickscottpatterson.com/yahoo_site_admin
    Or this; http://www.instablogsimages.com/images/2008/11/24
    I agree wholeheartedly about "marriage age." I mean, people get married for wrong reasons all the time, age/timing being one of them.
    I like the idea of marriage, for me as more than a label. Who knows if I like marriage? I'm not married yet 😉 Me thinking I'm close in terms of timing has more to do with my own relationship, which is great, and less to do with me thinking I need to do something society tells me I should at a certain age.
    If I followed my parents example, I'd be married with 2 kids already and generally penniless. At least now I'm single and penniless 😉
    She's self confident and all but I really wonder how good her Poker Face is.

  6. Avatar The Tailor says:

    Excellent point, Paypar. Marriage should not be based on societal pressure.

    • paypar paypar says:

      i've seen too often tho' people get married for those reasons – all the while convincing themselves it's for luv.

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