The South, Punk Rock, and the Human Brain, a.k.a. the Underdogs of Environmental Responsibility
This post was written in honor of the late-great (and terribly green) Dee Dee Ramone
The following post may or may not have to do with green ethics…if you can make a connection…you are smarter or less sozzled than we are…
At a recent party in the not-so-deep South, the following was observed: Shot glasses being washed in cold water and then refilled with more shots; a glutton putting too much food on his plate and then putting it back in the serving bowl when he was full; a Nebraskh-ole throwing up on the floor (twice) while someone beside him was spelling Nebraska with a C; the Vomitorium being cleaned up with dirty old rags; greenish-tinted grits being used as a topper in place of cool whip; “Slick Willy” Clinton shampooing his hair with Green Apple Suave (it only costs a dollar!); and two people that looked exactly like Pat Benetar and Willie Nelson reducing their carbon footprint by skipping the marriage and going right to the baby-making. Okay, so the last thing we didn’t really WITNESS, but are sure that it happened.
Rumor has it that fermented pickles can be used as fuel. But one helpful party goer suggested we should “just use good old-fashioned man juice–it’s free AND recycled.” After a round of “S.L.C. shots,” in which the alcoholic content was less than .0002%, we decided A) that Utah is not in the South, and B) pickles are the way to go.
As if this wasn’t gauche enough, the very next person to walk in the door was none other than Dee Dee Ramone. Despite him rushing the brush a little by chugging from the shaker as though it were fresh milk from the fridge, and then complaining that it was “cold and empty…like my heart,” good feelings were restored as he performed stories of his boyhood in Berlin. “I never want to go back there,” he said, “but I’ll bring it up every chance I get.” We moved out to the back porch, where he handed us his pipe and we realized how glad we were to see him.
Many people believe that we only use 10% of our brain, and–even though that’s basically proven as completely bogus and retarded–it is true that your capacity for intelligence, integrity and imagery will actually increase in accordance with the amount of marijuana you’ve been smoking. While that doesn’t explicate Dee Dee’s escape into the White Men Can Rap world, it certainly explains how we all ended up transposing “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue” into a Gregorian Chant and making ashtrays out of leftover black-eyed peas that had been rinsed overnight in the toilet bowl.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
Find “somethin’ to do.”