Eat Green @ your next Event!
Regardless of the type of event you’re planning, it won’t be eco-friendly if the food comes from 7-11. Obviously, the truly green host will find themselves putting a little more thought into what she serves her guest than a frat house. But, also, it’s important that any food you do end up buying locally originated on an organic farm that is probably very far away from you. This sounds ridiculous, but everyone knows that it’s true. The fact of the matter is that most foods that are good for you won’t grow on American soil, though no one has really figured out why that is.
However, while it may be hard(er) for you to plan, shop and prepare foods that didn’t come out of the Tyson chicken plant, it will be worth it for both you and your guests in the long run. I, for one, haven’t had to take a Prilosec since 1997, when I lost my green virginity, if you will. Besides, Chef Rosie is here to help! (Well, I’m not really a “chef,” as in the culinary-school, trained, type of chef, but I bet I could kick those weenie’s asses on that stupid TV show!)
Oh, excuse me. My feathers got ruffled there for a minute!!
As you know, when you’re going green, you have to avoid meat and dairy, as well as most fruits and vegetables (unless they’re green, of course!). You can get by with pasta, but only if it’s whole wheat or that tri-color stuff. Based on your guests’ preferences, you can probably get everything you need in the Vegan Frozen Foods section. See, green planning isn’t as hard as you thought it would be!
- Windmill-shaped soy nuggets, fried in Ethanol. Many people do not know this, but Ethanol is such a clean-burning fuel that you can actually cook with it in almost any recipe that calls for any type of oil. Don’t balk at me! It comes from corn, for God’s sake!
- If you don’t have time to make these or have stopped plugging in your deep fryer (the Environment called to say thank-you for that, by the way), try Al Gore’s new line of vegan snacks. I recommend the Nubs.
- Heating a pot of soup for 3 or more hours is definitely not eco-friendly, so go with something cold but daring, like a Raw Leek Soup. Even though the French think leeks are for the poireau, their simple, straightforward flavor is exactly what the environmentally friendly gourmand craves. If you can find wild leeks, use them; the carbon footprint of your average leek farmer leaves a little something to be desired. These babies are huge!
- The other great tip, that actually came from my grandmother, if you can believe it–she was way ahead of her time–is just to open up your fridge and grab whatever’s there and throw it into a pot. Of course, Grandma Hazel never made a cold soup this way, but if she hadn’t of had a heart attack at the tender age of 23, I bet she would’ve gotten around to it sooner or later. I mean: doesn’t that just sound so yummy? Chilled Leftovers Soup. Sounds almost as savory as that jar of pickle relish Grandma left me in her will that I just can’t bear to eat.
- Oh, please! Why don’t we just call it the “Cliche Soiree”? The days of “the salad bar” being the only Vegetarian option are long gone, people! Times have changed. Maybe you haven’t heard…? Women can vote. Men can wear earrings. And guess what… E-connoisseurs can eat (and poop!) something other than greens. Isn’t equality delicious???
- Lemon Butter Essence is such a favorite among the eco-crew that I suggest serving it by itself, rather than letting it get bogged down by something as silly as lettuce or sprouts. If you must have a pairing, add a sprig of parsley from your container garden or, better yet, just put a dab of garden dirt beside it on the plate.
- I honestly can’t imagine a guest at your event would still be hungry, since most environmentalists are starving themselves for the cause, but a good host does not want their guests to leave feeling slighted. My suggestion is to showcase the contents of your kitchen compost into one of those fancy chip & dip platters. That way, guests who are hungry can continue to nibble, but you haven’t made any extra food that will go to waste and cause the death of some poor polar bear halfway across the globe. However, if you go with the Cold Leftovers Soup (just typing it makes me want some!!), you may want to skip this step and hope for the best–all that variety could be seen as overwhelming, not to mention irresponsibly wasteful.
- Going green with dessert will probably be your hardest challenge. After all, there’s nothing you can pick from a garden that tastes sweet! You know what I mean? But if there’s a baker deep inside of you, there are tons of whole grain and nutmeg recipes out there you can follow. If there’s not a baker deep inside of you, then you always have the option of purchasing baked goods from your local organic pastry shop. Just make sure you walk there and back! I also recommend you calling in advance so that no one tries to rip you a new ass when charging your credit card. I’ve learned the hard way that organic bakers aren’t exactly the negotiating kind, which, if you think about it, kinda makes sense.
- The other option for a sweet treat, and the one I, myself, will go for every time (if nothing else, than just for the e-z factor), is an eco-friendly dessert wine. And by “eco-friendly,” I, of course, mean homegrown. Believe me, people, this is one part of going green you will not regret. No more scouring the liquor store aisles for something that doesn’t have formaldehyde in it; just DIY it! However, do remember that this isn’t something you can decide at the last minute. Even a highly skilled homegrown alcoholic connoisseur (like myself) takes many a night to get the recipe right.
Well, there you have it. Just a few tips and tricks of the trade. And, by all means, if this menu overwhelms you, feel free to have the party catered. The last thing the environmentalists want is for all of America to be up in arms about some silly little depletions in the ozone so that they can no longer enjoy themselves at the next hastily thrown together festivity.