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Manual Labor

I got nothin’. Really. Nothin’. No Season Seven. So instead of whining about that, I’ll share with you probably the best gchat I’ve had all year.
August 1, 2011, 9:37 a.m. EST
mxxxx: so.
i gave bang maid a pity hand job last night.
getting today started off RIGHT.
mxxxx: you’re welcome. thought that would make your morning.
me: please, please.
do tell.
mxxxx: so bang maid called and wanted to hang out and i was like “sure let’s watch the new curb” knowing full-well that i had no interest in getting down anymore. but there’s that one stupid thing in my head that reminds me that the sex was awesome a long time ago and i was lonely.
he gave me a back rub.
we watched curb.
he cuddled up with me on the couch, which, truth be told, was kind of nice.
we started making out.
and i felt NOTHING
and was like “we won’t be having sex”.
he was like “okay could we have oral sex?”
me: no.
me: hahaha would have loved to see the look on his face.
mxxxx: him: could i perform oral sex on you?
me: hahahahahaha
mxxxx: me: no.
him: could i get you off manually?
me: no.
me: uh, do you want me to get you off manually?
him: sure.
me: did he really say MANUALLY?
mxxxx: oh yeah, he said MANUALLY.
so i was giving him a hand job and he is like “would it be rude to ask for more?”
me: you won’t be getting more than this.
me: more?
mxxxx: like once i had his dick in my hand i’d want to shove it in my mouth or something.
me: ugh. fuckin dudes.
mxxxx: so while i was scrubbing my hands like i was about to go into the OR, he was like “are you going to be mad if i don’t stay the night?”
to which i said “nope”.
me: wow. what a bummer night.
mxxxx: big time. especially since this week’s curb was not the best.
me: i know. last week’s social assassin episode was way better.
mxxxx: people suck.
me: they’re the worst.

3 responses to “Manual Labor”

  1. Jason Jason says:

    I didn't expect this at all! Great stuff.

  2. Owen Owen says:

    Ah, that was great. I needed a good laugh on a Monday morning!

  3. emmy em emmy em says:

    Thanks guys! Pity hand jobs are sweeping the nation!!

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